i want to feel numb
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i want to feel numb, its not that i dont want to feel anything anymore, but i choose not to feel anything anymore.. i dont want to be too emotional in dealing with this kind of things. maybe because i'm just scared that i might turn my back from where i am and go back to what used to be.. what used to be my life. kumbaga, giving up the fight.
actually, i really am fine.. to me this is all a challenge. a challenge to find something.. find my "cheese" that is. even if i failed, i really wouldnt care what other poeple would say... i was just glad that i was able to do this. but what actually makes it hard for me is the fact that my family (parents) is finding it hard to adjust with our new situation.
my mom texted me just this morning, that my dad wanted to call me up agad, at sabi niya wag muna kasi kailangan ko magpahinga.. and my dad texted me that my mom cried herself to sleep kasi di daw sanay na wala ako.
(take note: that was just the first night)
i know that things will never be easy if and ever that things continue to be as planned (God willing)... but if things here dont work out, ill be back in no time, ill be fine wherever, knowing that it will not be that hard for them, but i am not giving up just yet.
posted by anton @ 12:26 AM
3 Comments:
Hey Anton...!
I've wished that a million times, that I won't feel anything. Pero, buti na lang it never happened. Embrace the feeling and try to see it this way: it is in these moments when you fully realize how important you are to your family and how your family loves you. :) That feeling is the ultimate proof of your love for each other. Just imagine if things were too easy, walang struggle? Nah... I'd rather feel. This feeling will eventually be your inspiration and your drive. Re-direct it to something positive. But embrace it. God bless!
these are just the struggles you have to go through to get to want you want. it is never easy being away from family but we learn to adjust. i'm sure even though you're parents are finding it hard for you to be away from them they are proud of you for taking this step. we're here always.
mel: thank you for this.. the feeling is just something different for me.
ach: salamat ng marami! :) medyo mabigat lang sa loob. but as i have said, im prepared for anything.
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